You’re addicted to drama

Headlines, the latest gossip, sports, the news, tv-shows and movies: they all have the same thing in common. They’re made to feed your desire to have drama in your life. Our society is addicted to drama and so are you. Read on to see why you’re addicted to drama and what it means to your relationship, your job and social life.

What is drama and why you like it

an exciting, emotional, or unexpected event or circumstance.

The definition of drama

So while the definition just focusses on the event itself I’d rather look at the concept as a whole. In my private life and my work in both coaching and management I’ve come across a lot of drama. I even am just as addicted to it as you are. And why? Well, who doesn’t like to hear the latest drama in their favorite field of interest: professional sports players with problems, celebrities having babies with their staff, or just a car accident on the other end of the globe killing a whole family. You read that right: A whole family!

Somehow it distracts us, it gives us something to talk about and it feeds our feeling of needing the drama on our lives. We are wired to like this, because we where learned to do so. Psychology Today wrote in an article the following:

Brains wired to equate lack of attention as dangerous, naturally respond to it as a threat in the amygdala, a subcortical structure, where thinking does not occur.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/obesely-speaking/201411/excessive-attention-seeking-and-drama-addiction

But what if it goes further then just liking those clickbait headlines and tv-shows that feed you OMG THAT YOU SEE THAT moments all the time?

Your drama addiction is messing up your life if it becomes a goal, purpose and something you start to crave for. When learning about the psychology behind relationships for example I noticed something interesting: Many relationships are ended because people get bored, loose interest or ‘grow apart’. When this happens there is a craving to the newness, the interest, tension – or drama – so to say, that comes with new experiences. I wrote before how our brain is build to only make memories that are memorable, new, and made the impression. The last few years of a during relationship could make less memories then the latest fling, with all the drama and excitement involved.

So there are several reasons why you like drama and why it impacts your life on a daily basis. You probable even threw away great friendships, relationships and jobs because you felt like you needed ‘more’.

How our ancient brain isn’t helpful in the 21st century

When started this blog I wanted to show you how to survive the 21st century. One of the things that’s most important to live a happy and fulfilling life in the present time is to understand how our ancient brain is not build, programmed or evolved for this era. Our search for drama could be related to the hundred of thousands of years surviving on the African Savannah. For basic survival needs we’d be looking for risks around every corner – and when our thinking brain would evolve, we’d use that to go through scenario’s to survive as well. We’re wired to literally ‘move on’, simply because we had to being a nomadic people for most of our existence. But the urban jungle is nothing like the African Savannah and our biggest risk is spilling a diet almond milk Frappuccino over our suite, right?

So we like drama, we know seek drama if it isn’t there and we need to figure out a way how to deal with it. After understanding this part we need to go to the next important thing for survival: acknowledge the fact that we are not that voice that is seeking out the drama. It’s a big gamechanger, to realize that we are not our thinking-brain. It’s a tool, or a sense, like smelling, hearing and then there is thinking. So if this voice, your brain, is seeking out drama for your to chew on, it’s up to you to decide what to do with it. Creating a little distance between the thinking brain and you, is the key for success. Surrendering to this drama creating mind of ours, means you’ll lead a life full of drama – because that’s what the brain is suppose to do. And you’ll be moving on a lot in the process.

The key to everlasting happy relationships

At any given time we’re given the opportunity to choose how to respond to the drama presented to you, by your brain. Your relationship, job, social life – the effect the drama-seeking mind has on you, is up to you. So when someone tells you ‘it didn’t work out’, it’s because they chose it not to let it work out. Studying the science behind long lasting and successful relationships (in which both parties said they’re still happy with each other) taught me that the key success is simply being with your best friend for the rest of your life. In most of the cases there is no life long explosive passionate relationship, no during psychical attraction, no ever lasting butterflies or Hollywood-like love stories. Just two people, loving each other, for who they are, and not only spending their lives together, but choosing to do so. No drama involved.

Was I surprised? Yes, very much so! My personal journey also includes questioning relationships, having doubts by things that where not broken and focusing on the bad instead of the good. I made a choice to let this happen, to pursuit this drama. So does it mean any relationship should last forever, if only both parties would put the effort in? I don’t know – it’s not up to me, I just realized that I was focusing on the wrong things and seeking the drama instead of balance.

Say no to drama in your life

You’ve met people that do not have much drama in their lives. They might even look a bit boring from the outside. They’ll probably never tell you the latest gossip or complain about things that happened to them. They’re probably one of the most happiest people you’ve ever met, simply because they mastered the art of acceptance and said no to drama in their lives. They might even live by the well known story about the farmer that said ‘Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.‘

Saying no to drama will be hard for you – since you’re addicted to it. But, as with every addiction, detoxing on the drama is possible and will be the start of happier relationships, romantically, friendships and in work and save you a lot of unnecessary grief. If you’re going to watch television, or read the news: see if you can spot the creation of drama. Awareness, is as always, the start of change.